Talk:Kallen Kōzuki

Just a Few Things Wrong...
There's a few things on this page that make it unsatisfactory as a wiki article. Some of these things are inappropriate, some are are poorly constructed sentences and some are incorrect. The page needs a cleanup so that it can serve as a better source of information for the public. The language on this page needs to be made more appropriate, better punctuation must be used in some places and information on the page must be correct.

Here's a few things I noticed:

First sentence under Character outline. "Kallen is an attractive Britannian-Eleven young woman," This should be "Kallen is an attractive, young, Britannian-Eleven woman". Also the adjective "attractive" is not necessary.

Fourth paragraph, first sentence under character outline. "nude" is a colloquialism, or seems that way. "naked" would be a better fit.

Final sentence under Appearance. "Overall Kallen is a tall woman with medium breast size that matches her build." This is inappropriate and incorrect. When Kallen is compared in height with women like Shirley Fentette and Milly Ashford who are her age, she can be seen as quite short. This is also a gross misuse of the word "Overall" as this sentence mentions only her height and breast size, as if they are the only things which contribute to a person's overall appearance. Bust size should not be mentioned at all in fact, it is inappropriate. Greenlikeblue 09:43, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Feel free to edit and fix it. - Plau 21:01, December 3, 2010 (UTC)